My birthday yesterday. As usual felt sad all day 'cos I didn't hear from my girls, James rang in the morning, it was so nice to hear from my little man as usual. He's such a wonderful kid gee I love him. Stayed home all day 'cos Adam had to work and struggled with my feelings all day really. Then Adam came home and we went for dinner at the Lobster Cave, it was really beautiful , such a nice place. I felt fat and nothing fit me so I had to go out looking blobby, woke up this morning feeling depressed. Maybe it has something to do with having my period. Off to that stupid dbt course today. Might go look for my birthday present from Adam this arvo. maybe go to target to get some new undies and bra's for my fat blobby body. Wish I could find the motivation to lose weight, so hard to keep fighting this stupid battle, seems I can't just enjoy food anymore I always have to be watching so closely what I eat and even then be a bit overweight. Then all that exercise as well just to look not revolting but still not be my ideal weight. So depressing. Bloody metabolism! and the stupid tablets i'm on don't help either. Also doesn't help that Adam has such high expectations about fat. He might not say it but I know he thinks it from what he said at the beginning when I was even slimmer! bloody men! they think thier shit don't stink! But I love him much