My birthday yesterday. As usual felt sad all day 'cos I didn't hear from my girls, James rang in the morning, it was so nice to hear from my little man as usual. He's such a wonderful kid gee I love him. Stayed home all day 'cos Adam had to work and struggled with my feelings all day really. Then Adam came home and we went for dinner at the Lobster Cave, it was really beautiful , such a nice place. I felt fat and nothing fit me so I had to go out looking blobby, woke up this morning feeling depressed. Maybe it has something to do with having my period. Off to that stupid dbt course today. Might go look for my birthday present from Adam this arvo. maybe go to target to get some new undies and bra's for my fat blobby body. Wish I could find the motivation to lose weight, so hard to keep fighting this stupid battle, seems I can't just enjoy food anymore I always have to be watching so closely what I eat and even then be a bit overweight. Then all that exercise as well just to look not revolting but still not be my ideal weight. So depressing. Bloody metabolism! and the stupid tablets i'm on don't help either. Also doesn't help that Adam has such high expectations about fat. He might not say it but I know he thinks it from what he said at the beginning when I was even slimmer! bloody men! they think thier shit don't stink! But I love him much

My first Post

Well since this is my first post I'll seek to fill you guys in on what it's gonna be about. It's gonna be about what ever I want it to be about. It'll be about whatever comes to my head or in my heart or just blurb. It won't concentrate on correct grammar or spelling or writing professionally. It won't be politically correct. On the contrary it will take different forms depending on my mood. I wonder will anyone be interested in Michelle's life. I am, but then I am Michelle. Of course I'm interested in me and everything I have to say. I want the world to hear me, understand me, listen to me properly and eagerly. In your dreams Michelle. So I wonder will my life be listened to. I am not going to hide anything, I am going to write about everything. My thoughts, the people in my life and bitch away if I need to.
Anyway that is what this is about. It is after all my dairy, but it's different to most diaries in that it is open for the world to see and read. Interesting exercise. Why am I doing this? to see if it gets a following that is the honest truth. Oh and heaps of traffic. That's being really honest. Also I wonder if it will provide some comfort for me and maybe for you if you relate to anything I write. It's something to do 'cos I'm so bored and have no interests. You will see why I'm where I'm at as you follow. I'm not going to explain everything straight away like an introduction. If you want to know about me you will have to follow. You won't even know my age, where I live, nothing. Well not at first but in the process it might come out, not promising anything. I'm not going to deliberately keep anything from the world or deliberately tell you. Unless I want to mention it as with a normal diary. I will presume also as with a normal diary that my dairy knows me and sometimes I will speak to it and other times I will speak to the world and even to whoever is reading this.
Anyway that's all I have to say right now. I talk a lot and not everything I will say will be interesting but that is my privilege since this is a place I can totally be myself without any apologies. That's all I want to say right now.